I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
