Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
