He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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