I'm drive I can fine osifer
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize