I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
