i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
