Quick, to the slutcave!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My life is pants optional.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
