Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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