Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
