i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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