i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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