At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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