I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
