I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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