White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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