yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
