we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
