I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
