All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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