Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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