Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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