The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
