quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
