if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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