dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
