Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
