I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
