I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
