I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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