it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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