I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
