Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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