my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
