If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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