...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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