Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
