i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I currently don't understand fingers.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
