Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
