Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
