Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
