I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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