how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
