just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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