Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
