yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
