just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
