If that was your dad, he is hot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
