I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
