He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
