a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he thought i was a dude.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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