Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bring me that man meat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
