Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
