You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
