i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
