I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
