i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Houston, we have a squirter
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
