he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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