i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i have two assholes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
