i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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