Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
