Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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