the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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