Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
