is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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