every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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