I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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