wat bout pragnant strippers??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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