As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
