He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
