just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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