Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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