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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
