He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
