thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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