You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
