just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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